In a stunning turn of events this Thanksgiving, families across the remnants of civilization are facing an unprecedented crisis: their turkeys are turning on them. In what experts are calling a bizarre twist in the ongoing undead crisis, reports are flooding in from surviving households that their traditional Thanksgiving turkeys have developed a taste for human flesh.
Residents of the once-bustling Ohio region, now a shadow of its former self, shared harrowing tales of turkeys chasing them around their compounds. “I just wanted to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner, you know? But the moment I put the turkey on the table, it sprang to life and started pecking at me!” exclaimed a bewildered survivor, sporting bandages on his arms and the telltale sweat of a person about to turn.
Scientists, who have been studying the phenomenon from their high-security bunkers, funded by corporate giants, suggest that the turkeys may have consumed remnants of infected flesh, leading to their unexpected transformation. “It’s truly a remarkable discovery, albeit a terrifying one for those attempting to celebrate the holiday,” stated Dr. Helena Markov, a leading expert.
In a bizarre twist of irony, the wealthy elite, secluded in their fortified enclaves, have been unaffected by this new threat, as they have been hoarding a private turkey selection for years. “It’s the real thing, minus the risk of being eaten,” commented one smug owner from his high-rise bunker, as he carved into his perfectly safe, private turkey.
Meanwhile, the less fortunate survivors are adapting to this new reality. Some have resorted to unconventional Thanksgiving dinners, swapping out turkey for less dangerous fare like canned beans or even toast cut into festive shapes, claiming it’s “shaped just like a turkey!”
As the holiday season approaches, many are left wondering what other surprises are in store. Will Christmas ham make you “it” in a New Year’s Eve game of infected tag? Only time will tell when even a turkey can be a predator attempting to gobble you up.
