Humanity’s tenacity in the face of undead hordes leaves everyone wondering: Are we just really dedicated workers?
In a bizarre turn of events, it seems that not even a full-blown zombie apocalypse can deter our unwavering commitment to retail therapy and the daily grind. While the walking dead shuffle through the streets and our brains and other bits are constantly on the menu, the question remains: Why do we keep trying to shop and go to work like it’s business as usual?
The zombie uprising is not a minor inconvenience. It’s a cataclysmic event. Sure, there are hordes of ravenous undead craving our flesh, but who has time to worry about that when there are sales and meetings to attend?
“It’s absolutely astounding,” said Dr. Emily Stone, a renowned expert in the field of human behavior. “One would think that when the dead start rising from their graves and chasing us around, our priorities might shift a tad, but nope. We’re more committed to our nine-to-five jobs and grabbing the latest mobile phone than our own survival. Is anyone even left where they make those phones?”
Amidst the chaos of zombies trying to turn us into their next meal, stores continue to advertise “unbeatable deals” on everything from high-end fashion to kitchen appliances. The irony of the situation seems lost on the consumers who rush to grab the latest designer shoes or TVs. Debt collectors and landlords are still trying to hound those who owed when this all started. “Folks, I promise you,” implored Dr. Stone. “The bill collectors are well dead. Your credit score does not exist. Stop giving what you have to hoarders trying to devour everything the zombies haven’t.”
And let’s not forget those dedicated employees who insist on clocking in, even when their colleagues are being chased around the block by half-rotted corpses. “I can’t believe Sandra called in sick again,” said a frazzled office worker as a zombie repeatedly collided with the window near her desk. “Some people just have no work ethic.”
I’m not sure what it’s going to take for people to realize that any zombies they see wearing high fashion or sitting in luxury cars came that way. The “rat race” is over and the rats have been consumed by the pestilence. We really need to let it go.
The resilience of our species in the face of the undead is truly something to behold. Because never in a million years did I believe that there would still be middle managers rolling into the office to see who’s at their desk on-time after the fall of society. The world has ended and these dudes still can’t make the C suite. And that’s a damned shame.
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[DISCLAIMER: This article is a work of fiction and satire. Any resemblance to real events or persons is purely coincidental.]
